Sunday, February 7, 2016

9 Months Without Rudy

I have written this post at least 4 times now. Each time, I wrote from the heart and then erased it.

Whenever I think what I have to say would be helpful to other widows, I quickly shoot it down.   I'm muddling through.  I haven't found the magic widow survival keys.  Some days I'm proud of the way I'm trying to live.  Many days I just go through the motions.  Some days I look into the future and feel hopeful.  Many days I look into the future and feel incredibly sad.  I don't know what I'm doing, but I keep trying and that's something.

So, to sum up how I'm doing at 9 months  - I miss Rudy like crazy.  I feel alone even in a crowd.   I keep pedaling, but can't seem to get anywhere because I'm on a stationary bike.

I can't decide if I'm wasting my life right now or taking a much needed pause.   I'm staying active, but holding back from real life.  That description probably doesn't make sense to anyone but me.  I'm happy something makes sense to me, because nothing much does right now.  If that's confusing, it's probably because the writer (me) is seriously confused.


Monday, February 1, 2016

Pick Up Stix - The Advanced Version!

I do NOT need to join a gym.  Getting things done around the house and property is a major workout.  My latest task has been to tackle a HUGE pile of limbs.


Rudy stacked those a couple of years ago.  He intended to burn them during burn season.  It would have been a fire that lasted for days.  I'd been worried about the pile.  If it had ever caught fire accidentally, it could have been disastrous.

Burning the pile would have required moving the whole stack from one spot to another.  Actually, two moves - once to the truck and again to the burn site.

Taking truck loads to the dump would have been inefficient as well, plus, now that the dump has a $10 minimum fee on yard debris, it wouldn't have been cheap.


I finally settled on renting a big dumpster.  It's a 30 ton dumpster (24x8x6).  It has a door at the back, which made loading much easier.  Some of the logs were quite heavy.  I'm glad I didn't have to hoist those 6+ feet in the air.



Dad and Trish insisted on helping me and Dad ended up pulling his back.  I thought surely after that he would only be back to visit, but he came back the next day and tried to help some more.  He wouldn't listen to me.  If I'm stubborn, I came by it honestly.


It took three days to whittle the pile down.  There was a ton of pine straw to deal with, too.  We were thinking some critters would come scampering out at some point, but if they were there, we never saw them.


We loaded as long as we could before closing the dumpster door.  Branches were "cleaned" before loading.  All the little side branches were pulled off so more branches would fit in the dumpster.  It was more work, but we would have needed three dumpsters if we hadn't done that.


The pile ended up filling almost the entire dumpster.


The pile is gone, but there's a bit of tidying up to be done before it can be considered finished.  There's a little room left in the dumpster, but there are PLENTY of other branches nearby waiting to be picked up.

In a couple of weeks, I'll probably order another dumpster to start working on the limbs scattered around the lower half of the property.  Picking up limbs is a never ending job, but hopefully, I won't ever need to rent dumpsters again after this year.

This is a task I've actually enjoyed, which is really surprising.  I have liked the physical labor which makes me wonder, Who am I?  I can tell I'm getting into good shape and my stamina has amazed me.  This was my Fitbit count the first day the dumpster came -


I loved the feeling of getting something done, as well.  Taking care of this much property isn't something I plan to do the rest of my life, but for now, I'm good with it.  Very good with it.

LinkWithin

Related Posts with Thumbnails