Friday, April 8, 2016

Somewhere Over the Rainbow is a Heart

In yesterday's post, I described a rainbow incident that happened around a year and a half ago.  Here's what I wroteI attempted to find a good photo of Rudy for the DURING time period, but they all made me cry, even the ones where he was smiling.  This photo was taken Nov 23, 2014.  Rudy was at home, sick as could be.  I was on my way home, I think from the pharmacy picking up yet another unit-nausea medication.  I was losing my mind and in the midst of a really good cry.  Suddenly,  I saw a rainbow.  It was fabulous.  I stopped and took some photos of it but the rainbow wouldn't show up at all in any of them.  None. I kept snapping over and over trying to get it to show up.   What did that mean?  I was sure it meant something.  Looking back, maybe it meant I was seeing hope when there was absolutely no hope at all.  The invisible rainbow experience did help me that day.  I become so preoccupied with the oddness of it that it put an end to my meltdown.  I pulled myself back together and was able to go back home and focus on what needed to be done.  It's heartbreaking to think how sick he was that week.  That was definitely one of the worst weeks of his illness.

Here's the photo of the rainbow that wouldn't show up -

Every time I looked through the missing rainbow photos, my focus was always on looking at the sky for any shadows that might have been a bit of the rainbow.  There's something in the photo I completely missed.

My friend Shirley commented on it on my Facebook page.  She saw it right away.  It's a cloud shaped like a heart. 

The crazy thing is, ever since Rudy died, she and I have seen a ton of heart clouds.  Shirley sends me photos of them from all over - in Georgia, South Carolina, Canada, and even New Zealand. Shirley gets around!  She sees them while she's in boats or cars or planes, or just walking about.  I see them, too.  You may think us crazy, but they always seem to be signs from Rudy.  They seem to appear when I'm having a low moment.  I find it interesting that we never saw this heart til now.

Here's one I saw in January -

I especially love when the heart cloud is the only cloud in the sky.

Here's a heart photo from Shirley. It seems to have two hearts, actually. She's sent me a couple of others that are even more spectacular and I can't find them on my computer. Daring.  I've been organizing photos lately, but still have a ways to go.  I used to be known for my organizational skills, but I seem to have blown my reputation since retiring.  

I also have been finding feathers.  I usually find them when I'm walking the dogs.  I never find them when I'm with my dad.  I only find them when it's just me and I'm usually deep in thought.  I've been keeping them for the last few months and have them on display in a pretty glass jar.  

One day as I was walking, I pondered these "signs".  My first thought, when I get a sign, is usually that I'm so sure it was a sign from Rudy, but my second thought is often skepticism.   I just reading into it what I want to see.  I have a good imagination, but I also have a very realistic side.   

One day recently, I let myself think about the possibility that it was real.  So many miraculous things happen here on earth.  There's more to life than we could possibly know.  So how would it work if Rudy wanted to send me a little comfort?   It seems like it would be pretty easy to send a cloud sign.  One cloud could be seen from many vantage points.  I could be most anywhere on my property and appreciate a cloud.  Plus, if need be,  a cloud could be blown here or there for better viewing.  

A feather would be harder.  First, a bird would have to be in some sort of distress to lose that feather.  It would fall in a particular spot on the ground and trickiest of all, I would have to go to that exact spot and look down just in time to see the feather.  When I walk with my dad, we almost always walk the fence path.  Same path every day.  But, I never find feathers when I'm walking with him, at least not yet.  When it's just me, I vary my route. I wander around.  I cut through and across and explore the property.  We have 12 fenced acres to walk and I cover it all.  What direction I head is mostly based on whims.  So, if Rudy is putting a feather out for me to find, how would he know where to put it?  A few weeks ago, I was pondering this.  It occurred to me that maybe my whims were not my own.  Maybe Rudy guided me.  I thought to myself, right now I might just head over to here, so did Rudy put that thought in my head?  Then a crazy thing happened.  As soon as I finished that thought and headed in that new direction, I took 4 steps and there was a feather. So I ask you, is this just a coincidence?   I think not.  You can believe whatever you want to believe.  I'm certain Rudy is with me.  Often.  And whenever I have doubts, he convinces me it's real.

By the way, I hear Rudy in my head all the time.  I can hear what he'd say about lots of things.  It's not always good.  He still complains when I use my left foot on the brake.  He was never a fan of my driving.  


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